We are all American's now.  I call on my supporters to unite with those who voted against me!

Including the Nazis and white supremacists?

My son Hunter is the smartest person I know.

Replace "smartest" with "most deviant"

I did not take a single penny from foreign governments, check my tax returns.

Of course only the dumbest criminal in the world would report his criminal gains to the IRS.

It's time for unity and joining hands.  Trump supporters please reach out to us.

so we can put you on AOC's enemies list.

The laptop is Russian Disinformation

It's Hunter's for sure, and even I'm surprised at how many pictures he took of himself naked.

I'll admit Hunter has his problems

but the laptop proves he has had more damn horny fun than any man alive!